By Heather
So about two years ago we adopted this kitten from the rescue league. His name is Tobias and is very lovable and incredibly smart.
And when I first taught him to jump into my arms it was cute and adorable. He used to only do it when tapped my chest and called him up to me. Then he started doing it ALL the time and always when I'm not prepared.
By Heather
So Dec. 4th was my 27th birthday and a good friend of mine had great joy reminding me in how old I was. It went on for so long that I renamed her Jerkface on my phone.
Jerkface: For the next three days you'll be five years older than me. Then I'll be as old as you were when we met!
Me: Sometimes I think you enjoy doing this to me...
Jerkface: Five years older than me....that's half a decade.
Me: If you can't get a hold of me it means I've blocked your number.
So this blog is to you Jerkface McGee! Here are all the things that make you old!
1# You were around when the first Gameboy came out. Kids today don't even know what that is!
2# The Energizer Bunny is as old as you!
3# The most popular toys were Trolls, Sega Genises, Polly Pockets, and Tetris!
4# The most popular movies were Ghost Busters II and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade!
5# The top TV show was Wonder Years!
6# The hit song was "Every Rose has It's Thorn" by Poison!
IN YOUR FACE! YOU ARE OLD! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ...Even though I'm eleven days late in wishing you a happy birthday....
By Heather
So when I left my old job in February one of my co-workers said she wanted to have me over for dinner. Now I'm all about free food, especially when its hot Mexican food. But the problem since I've started this job is I work long hours. I usually start at 8am in the morning and don't usually walk back into the door of my house till 8pm. Even now that my hours are cut back down for the slow season I still work those long days. I'm not about to hold up dinner for someone either.
Now my hours are back down so now I have a little more time to play with. Or so you think, because right now I have a three and a half month old womb dweller that is bleeding the life out of me. So not only do I have to manage working a 12 hour day without taking a nap on the desk, I have to fight that same exhaustion at home.
Now, when I am home I lay on the couch like a beached whale and every guilty part of my brain that tells me "Heather! You need to do laundry!....Heather! You need to vacuum the house!....Heather! You need to scrub the shower!!!" is ignored, not because I'm lazy. I just cannot muster up the energy to do it.
Wendy I just wanted to let you know I am so so sorry. I didn't snub you. I would love to have your cooking. But unfortunately both work and my spawn are currently bleeding the life out of me -_-
By Heather
Ooooooooookay, I know its been a long time since my last post and I'm really sorry. Working 70 hrs a week during the summer really took it out of me. So when I was home lets just say I wasn't very coherent...
So without further adew, the long awaited blog post!
Now I know to the bulk of you this blog post will seem pretty disgusting but its something you have all experienced at one point in your life, probably several.
So I'm at work today and have been waiting a very long time for the audit guy to get out of the bathroom so I could go. Its not like I was obsessively staring at the door, I was working and periodically checking to see if he was out yet. He finally gets out and when I got in this horrible array of mixtures invades every one of my five senses. Have you ever walked into a bathroom where something unholy just burst out of someones ass and they tried to cover it up with an air freshener? Of course you have! The air freshener does nothing besides make your sense of smell confused therefore her nose tries to divide the Warm Vanilla air freshener from the sour smell of shit. Therefore you cannot stop sniffing. Your brain goes into hyper drive thinking "Oh my Lord! I have never smelled something so foul, I must keep cataloging this smell till it is saved in my memory forever!" Which prompted me to think of the perfect analogy for this phenomenon, the Sugar Coated Crap Muffin! I thought I was rather inventive and accurate with that description.
After being in that stank for a few minutes I was beginning to think there was something wrong with this man. I thought I had smelled everything considering who I live with but this was something else. The only thing I could think of that would at least be a close comparison is Friday night at Jersey Shore. This man has something wrong with him. I don't believe any healthy human being can expel this smell from there body unless there wasn't something horrifically wrong. I washed my hands and exited the bathroom as quickly as possible taking my first breath of relatively fresh air considering I was still in the building and slowly exhaled trying to get the smell out of my nose.
Now I'm not saying its gross to do number two in a public place. If you have to go you have to go. The fact of the matter is when it comes to dropping the kids off at the pool I think its better not to spray an air freshener. I would rather smell straight unhindered shit than what the mixture of Apple Pie and shit produces. That just ruins apple pie for me.
By Heather
Okay, I am currently in a blind rage right now so I am going to try and keep it as safe for work as possible. I'll start off by giving you a detailed synopsis of my follow up visit to the doctors office.
I get there and the receptionist gives me a paper to fill out my past medical history. I do that, and not to long after I get done the nurse takes me back. She takes my weight and height and then...takes down my medical history again. She gets done with that and then the doctor comes in...asks me my medical history...again. So at this point I am not to put off because "Hey, no problem with being thorough when it comes to your health right?" So she asked me if I was anemic. I told her I was borderline but not anemic, and hadn't been for a long time. I told her that I have had a lot of blood taken over the past month because of the numerous visits. As I'm talking she's writing all of this down. So after she gets done with all that they give me the full work up because its been a long time since I have been to the doctor. So they take more blood while I'm there, enough to run an ungodly amount of tests on, many of them completely unnecessary, I'd tell you why but that's personal. I was in that office for three hours, and here I was happy that I was getting out of work early and going to be home earlier (or so I thought).
Today, I check my phone at work and see that I have a voice mail. Its my doctor saying I am anemic and she has prescribed iron pills for me...OF COURSE I'M FLIPPING ANEMIC!!!! HOW MANY TIMES DID I VISIT THE HOSPITAL AND RANDOM FOLLOW UP VISITS THE PAST MONTH AND ALL TOOK BLOOD!!!! What the heck are you writing on that note pad of yours?! Your grocery list?! So basically you had me drone on for an hour or more about medical history, asking a few general probing questions. Then, completely negated everything I had told you and formed your own opinion?! Honestly, why even ask me anything when you're going to ignore all of it. The entire time she's saying "You are awfully pale." Well here's another question that doctors should ask. How about asking for my heritage/nationality. I am Scotch/Irish/German/Hungarian, what about that suggests anything other than pasty white person?!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not against doctors or the medical profession. Because when you get right down to it, we are one in the same. Doctors, retail, we are both providing a service. And within both professions there are processes that limit what we both can and cannot do. I have a lot of respect for doctors that have gone through all those hard years of med school and are putting their hard earned degrees to work. However, its just as upsetting when you have a store clerk listen to you (or so you think) and it ends up they were just thinking what that stain is on their shirt and how long it had been there instead of listening to you. So instead they suggest some random product and bullshit you into buying a product that won't work. The difference is people can't shop around for good doctors, they don't have the time or cash to do so. If this were the case, I know a lot of doctors would be out of work.
On another note, I am trying to put a stop to my cursing. As you can imagine today....I failed miserably.
By Heather
Okay, its not just one specific brand of car that does this, because our previous car had this feature too. I have a clicker to unlock my doors, one click opens the driver door, two clicks its supposed to unlock all of them.
Problem is it never does.
This safety feature was put into place because people could climb into your car when you open it.
In theory its a good idea, in reality, the thief will have knifed you, stolen your roast beef sandwich, groceries, and taken off in your car by the time you get the rest of the doors open.
By Heather
To completely encapsulate the epically horrendous string of bad luck I've had, I'll begin from the beginning of the week.
So Monday, I drove forty minutes to go to this meeting for new hires. They have these meetings like every five months. So I get in the car and notice a pain in my lower stomach. I figured I pulled a muscle or something so I didn't worry about it. As I drive the pain gets worse...I mean astronomically worse. I'm not one to panic so I just waited it out which was really really hard because I have never experience so much pain in my life.
So I get to the reception hall where the meeting is and as soon as I get out of the car it was like something snapped and whatever pain I was in before was ousted by excruciating pain.
At that point I was taken by ambulance to the nearest hospital. So I think from my previous post states how I feel about hospitals. But, much to my surprise the nurses were so nice, the doctor didn't treat me like an idiot.
It turned out I had a cyst on my ovary, and when I got out of the car was the exact time it decided to rupture.
I was released from the hospital and it was then I realized why I was being treated so well...I was in a town of rich people and in a rich person's hospital. I realized this after I paid my co-pay and was on my way out through the main lobby of the hospital where there, in the middle of the lobby was a concert pianist.... I shit you not there was a concert pianist playing hymns. After that it was waiting an hour for my cab to get there to take me back to my car. I debated on walking but figured that would bad considering I was still pretty tender and the pain killer was wearing off. I don't know what they gave me but it was good. I must have asked everyone that entered my room what they wanted for dinner because I was bound and determined to cook for them.
Tuesday, now for the two weeks prior I have been tirelessly cleaning, clearing, and organizing our receiving bay. I haven't been to the store in three days. For a week prior we had received four ladders ranging from 25-40ft. In our small receiving bay with eight pallets and these ladders is near impossible to get around to put things away. So my boys (my co-workers) tore up my beautiful work of art over the weekend.
At first I was just working with it, but after the tenth time of tripping over a needless mess and all my work thrown out the door was when I finally snapped and went into an all caps rage. Fire burst from my mouth and lightening shot from my hands as I could no longer contain it.
Wednesday, to my delight, both Dick and Joe were in the store at the same time. These are the two worst people I have ever waited on. Joe treats me like an idiot because I'm a woman working in a contractor focused paint store. Dick treats everyone like they are dirt. So as I'm taking Dick's order Joe starts yelling at me saying I tinted his paint wrong of which I didn't and when I proved that I did not he tersely grabbed his paint and left without another word. Dick (who's name is not Dick, I just call him that because he is one) then proceeded to yell at all of us and said "You are the dumbest f*cks in the store." I then gave him a look that could have curdled milk and practically threw his gallon at him as I totaled him out. Now here is a fun fact from last week. I was on my lunch in Wendy's across the street from the store when Dick comes in and sees me there. He then comes over, shoves his finger in my face and starts cursing at me. I slowly stood up toe to toe with him and asked him if he was aware that I was no longer on store property and clocked out. He said he figured that. I proceeded to tell him that that means I can say what ever I want to him without fear of being fired, do you really want to start this. Well apparently he did because he then started to yell at me where I then cut him off and stringed together the most lovely plethora of insults I have come up with in a long time. I was rather proud of myself till we both were kicked out of Wendy's.
Thursday, this guy comes in with a wood stain match. Wood stain matches need at least three to four days notice before you need them and that's without anyone in front of you. He comes in and needs a stain match done for the very next morning, it is now six o'clock at night. I tell him about the wait time and that five people are in front of him. Luckily he wasn't to pushy about it but he then went to find a color close enough to it and wants me to mix it. I tell him that if I tint this he has to buy it even if its not even close to the right color. He agreed to this and I tinted the stain. I knew what was going to happen before I did it. As soon as I tested the stain on the wood he brought it wasn't even close to the color he needed. So he then asked for me to put more black and brown in it to deepen it up, trying to stain match it there on the spot and when I did only one more for him he begrudgingly bought the stain that did not even get close. I might as well not even say anything.
Friday, as soon as I get to work I had to make two deliveries. The first, really easy, took three cans of road paint to a local college four blocks away for their parking lot lines. Second....oh the second....I have to take to this main office for a really high end apartment building. I get there, there's no where to park. Fifteen minutes later I find a place to park walk a block to the building and buzz the main office to let me in....no one is there. So another fifteen minutes of trying to get a hold of someone I go to check on the car. I got there just in time to catch a tow truck from towing me and I convinced him not to and had to move my car again. So I found a place to park, luckily it was closer and again went to the office to try again. This time she was there and when she came out to let me in she eyed me up and down and said the "I" needed to go through the back door through the back alley. Apparently I wasn't well dressed enough in my work uniform to even go through the front door. So I go to the back and this supposed back alley she speaks of is not an ally, it goes down into the building and no lie this entrance looks like a local hangout for rapists and serial killers. I sucked it up and drove down there and delivered everything. When I finally got back to the store, nearly and hour later my boss asked me what happened. As I regaled him over what happened the contractors that were there were actually kinda pissed that the secretary treated me so badly which...made me feel kinda good.
Today, Sunday, I was at the mall doing some shopping for a baby shower that I have next weekend for my sister-in-law and every sales man there had adopted the rabid raccoon stalker sales tactic. I couldn't go anywhere in that place without being accosted by a salesman until finally I came up with a brilliant plan. What's worse...is that I actually did it. I was walking down the main hall and one of those hair dresser kiosk guys, the ones that always want to straighten your hair walked up to me even though I was avidly avoiding eye contact and asked me how I fix my hair. I then started barking loudly at him, scaring him so much that he practically jumped up on his counter. As I walked away I felt like a genius and I'll tell you why. One, this man will remember me and know NOT to ever approach me ever again. Two, neither will his co-workers that were there. As long as you are okay with this person and everyone else that is present thinking you are the craziest person they have ever seen this tactic is awesome!
By Heather
I apologize for being absent for this entire week. I went into the hospital on Wednesday and its been a slow recovery since. I have also not been to work since then so I don't have any material for posts. So instead I thought I'd write about my trip to the hospital. But before I continue I want to say this. I know people in the medical profession and I have family that are also in the medical field and they are good and knowledgable about what they do. I do not mean anything in this post as an insult to you or your profession. This is directed to those I encountered at the hospital.
Now I'll start from the beginning when my husband got home from work took one look at me and made this face...
Now I had been feeling terrible for two days and I had been thinking of going but hadn't made the decision to go until that moment. Now it takes a lot for me to willingly admit that I need to go to the hospital because I do not have a good past with doctors. (that's another story) So off we go to the hospital.
They take me to one of the rooms in the ER take down my information, medications I'm on, medication I'm allergic to, etc. And when the nurse asked me for my family doctor I told her I didn't have one since I never got a new one after I moved to a different state. And from then on she treated me like an idiot. She then proceeded to beat the crap out of me. Now as much as I hate the hospital I will sit there and let the nurses and doctors do what they need to do. So I say nothing as she continues to beat me up, taking my blood. After that she tells me its okay to lay down and wait for the doctor to come in. Now the hospital must really be running out of funding because their beds I swear are made out of plywood and sheet metal cushioned with a microscopic layer of matress foam. I don't know how they expect you to lay flat on those things. Every time the nurse comes in she says "Lay flat" well lady I wish I could. And why does every hospital keep their thermostate so low but they have paper thin blankets?
So the doctor came in asked me who my family doctor was and again had to explain to her that I don't have one and again treated me like an idiot from then on. From there I waited for five hours because apparently they had to Fedex my bloodwork to Zimbabwa for analysis and Fedex'd back. So five painful hours later the doctor finally comes back in and tells me I have an infection somewhere in my system and what they are giving me for it. It was hard for me not to be snippy with her since the nurse said that they had my bloodwork back for almost two hours but had to wait for the doctor to see it and tell me about it. So they gave me another bag of water for my IV because I was severely dehydrated and then sent me on my way.
Now I look better but vs. how I feel is another thing.
By Heather
yep...this is where my brain goes when I'm extremely tired...
By Heather
So I'm at work and we got insanely busy. Now I'm getting pretty good with the tinter but I do occasionally do something really dumb. Today was one of those days. Now before I continue with this story I'll tell you the conversation that happened just yesterday. My boss came up to me and told me that we had way to many mis-tints. And we really needed to buckle down and start focusing on what we were doing.
And today I'm really in the routine. I looked behind me to the floor as I'm tinting there's one, maybe two customers. I turn back around a moment later there's fifteen. So I'm trying to get as much done as possible and of course when you rush you make mistakes. This was a really dumb one.
I'm tinting a line of paint and I'm rushing so much that I didn't realize as I pushed a can down the line to put in the shaker when I realize it wasn't finished being tinted yet. So here I am with tint all over my hands and all over the tinter shelf. And my boss was standing right there next to me. He got me a towel to clean off my hands and cleaned off the shelf as I got my hands clean. But I could tell he was none to happy. It was that quite rage were the air around you suddenly changes and its even so thick in the air you can taste it.
Now in my mind I say "I'm an adult! I can confront the situation and talk to him about it so we can air it out." In reality however...I did not say one damn word. When the rush was done I hid from this man. I did anything possible to avoid him. Buried myself in unloading the truck just so I would be working on something. I'm ashamed to say that I fell into prison rules. Like I witnessed someone getting shanked and I ain't sayin Sh*t.
First off I don't want to say anything because he's angry but he may not be angry specifically with me. He could be pissed because district decided it would be a wonderful idea to have a conference call at ten in the morning, our busiest hour of the day, and that's for every store. So if by chance he wasn't mad at me, I don't want to give him a reason to be mad at me.
Second, he may not even want to talk about it and forcing him to talk about it may make him more angry.
Solution, don't say a darn word. Bury yourself in work and hide...
By Heather
Okay, this was something I never thought would happen in a paint store. So I'm waiting on a customer and as I finish ringing her out I look to my left in the open part of the floor and a man (a paint contractor) is doing yoga.
Not just a few small poses, nope he is full on committed to doing his entire routine. I froze there and just stared at him bewildered as to why he would feel that he must do this at nine in the morning in the middle of the store as he waited for his paint to be tinted and mixed. There were honestly no words. I wasn't angry about it but it was just really out of place.
Imagine doing your shopping and just running into a guy in downward facing dog pose. At this point I'm really questioning the chemicals they put in paint and if this proves anything its a good thing that they are making low/no voc rated paints now because if this is the result I'm glad I haven't inhaled a large amount of the fumes that may cause this side of crazy. I'm weird enough on my own, I don't need any help.
