By Heather
Alright, I've had this weekend off and I took a day to rest my brain and bury myself in Dragon Age Origins. And I believe I have regained a small amount of mental stability, at least as much as there was before...yeah I know, there isn't much of it.
So anyway the past two weeks were filled with much to write about. Firstly, I don't know what frame of mind is behind this particular tactic, but I can't see where it would bare much fruit.
This man, after I tried to explain to him since he didn't know the colors he wanted and since he wanted so much paint, we could put it on custom order for him so it would hold it at the sale price and he wouldn't have to take all of the paint with him and drag it all the way back to get it tinted. Also since he wanted so much paint and it was the third day into the sale we would probably be out of the last of our supply on that particular paint. He agreed to this and as I tried to get his information down he yelled at me and told me he already did this last week with the other guy that worked there. He proceeded to throw his credit card at me.
Now having been working eight days straight at this point I was really impressed being able to keep my composure. I looked him up in the system and it didn't have his phone number, I asked for it. He yelled at me asking why I needed it. I told him that when his order was ready I'd call him and when he had his colors ready we would tint it. Now, we don't have people pay for paint till they actually have their order with them and they take it home so I gave his card back to him while I took his number down. He again chucked his card at me.
At this point there was no hiding the look on my face. I explained the payment process and it was as if a wave of realization washed over him but of course he didn't apologize.
To those of you who have never worked retail a day in your life there is a valuable piece of information I will impart on to you. Just like in your job, there are processes. We in retail are often limited to what we can do by these processes. Especially when a computer/cash register is involved. Those processes/systems only allow us to do so much. Please understand this, nine times out of ten when we say we are unable to do something, we really are unable to do it. We are not just out to ruin some random person's day.
Along with this, we are providing you a service, it is wise not to treat these people like dirt or like they are stupid. Because we do have the power and authority to royally screw you over. In the end we are all trying to make ends meet and pay the bills. There is no shame in what job you do because you have a job and you are lucky for it.
So Monday, last day of the sale, Patty walks in and I didn't see her in time enough to run away. Patty, sweetest old woman in the world. Also, most indecisive woman on the face of the entire planet. I just want to grab her by the shoulders and tell her just to pick a f***ing color to paint your stupid table of which this table's only function is to hold your phone from the nineteen twenties. She seriously has been in the store for two months trying to decide on a flippin color. And when she comes in she is there for two hours at a time.
I really don't mind but when I have a store full of customers I can't have my time monopolized by one customer for that amount of time. So I got her out of there as quickly as possible while answering all of her questions. So apparently she called while I was out at lunch and she talked to my boss. My boss told her she could have bought that day at the sale price and then brought it back to have it tinted when she decided on a color. So when I came back from lunch she called back and proceeded to yell at me for not telling her that...I did tell her that, but she was to involved in her story that the doctor did not want her playing tennis anymore because of her muscle problems in her right arm. I just sat there and took it, I wasn't about to get stuck talking to her for an hour.
By Heather
I love helping people out with their paint choices and I really do mean that. However I can't make it any clearer that I can not make your decision for you. Firstly, because I am strictly not allowed. Because if you buy that color, take it home and hate it, bring it back and say that I told you to buy that color we have to eat that and give a another can of paint for free, therefore, I cannot make this choice for you. On average I get at least one of these customers once every other day...today...I had three. And I really wouldn't have minded accept that I'm sick, can hardly breath let alone talk, there was a truck to unload, the tint room needed cleaned, and all the regular stock needed put on the shelves. There was a lot to do in that eight hours that I was there and I had already lost the first hour due to making a delivery and running to the bank for change and the stores receipt slips from the past few deposits.
At first its kind of fun to watch them grab up at least 12-15 color chips staying around the same color or shades of that color then moving onto a completely different color option. I ask them the normal questions, what room are you painting? What is the price range you'd like to stick to? Are you looking for a subtle or drastic change? How large is this room? What is the main source of light in this room? What color are the walls now? What sheen are they currently?
Now to me this is fairly standard for me to figure out the kind of paint you need, what primer you need, what base you need, if you need to wash down your walls first, whether or not you need a paint with anti-microbials in it, if you have kids so that you'd need a paint with a low/no VOC or odor options, the durability that you may need depending on the room (kitchen, bathrooms, and kids rooms/play areas). I in no way mean for this to overwhelm you. I am simply narrowing down what you need for your project and getting you the best price for what you need.
I know that when people come in for a can of paint they are coming thinking "just a can of paint" and I know that all the questions I ask are things that most DIY (Do it Yourself) customers don't even think of. Most people don't think that paint performs to different rooms and expectations.
Me explaining this process of elimination only takes maybe five to ten minutes. But today I got these individuals that came in that were the most indecisive individuals I have ever met. They asked me every question in the book, questions that didn't even pertain to painting their wall and then got confused by almost everything I told them. Whereas if they just slowed down to listen to me they would have had answer enough for that one singular project that they came in for. Not the twelve different projects they were pondering on doing. They couldn't figure out all surface enamels for specialty surfaces apparently. "Will this work on wood?" ...does the phrase
ALL surface enamel not get through somehow? "Does that mean I can use it on my porch railing?" I spent my lunch beating my forehead off the side of the building today.
By Heather
I know that I've only been working for this store for a month and there has been extensive training so even though I don't know everything I at least know the basics. So this customer comes into the store and its one of those moments where your eyes meet one another and you just know that this person is not going to listen to anything you say, even though everything you tell this person is helpful to what they came in for. I work in a paint store, we sell a variety of different paints for many different projects and purposes. So when this woman came in I introduced myself and asked her what I could help her with. She said she needed a can of paint, I asked what kind of paint. She said Satin. That's a sheen not a paint, what room are you looking to paint. Already, she is irritated with me. She said it was the bathroom so I recommended the paint with the anti-microbials in it because of the moister that is in a bathroom it would prevent mold and mildew on your walls. She said that it was way to expensive and that she just wanted what she got before and she was not budging. I tried to explain to her what she got before was the same price and she be getting the added benifit of the anti-microbials, no VOC's and no odor. Nope she didn't care. She actually ended up paying more for a product that wasn't going to perform to the space she was putting it in. A few months from now I expect we'll be getting a call cause this idiot wouldn't listen to just a sales person that was doing their job and trying to HELP her, but you know what, don't blame me when you start getting sick because of the mold on your walls.
What I don't get is why someone would come into a store with that kind of an additude. What do you think being an outright bitch to a complete stranger that is just doing their job is going to get a few bucks knocked off for you? Because if you don't want a quality paint that is going to last you then don't come to this store. Buy a cheap paint at another random store that will last two years before you have to another repaint if you are that worried about the price.
By Heather
Thank you for purchasing part two of the Atypical Customer Guide. We have already covered the basics in part one on how to enter a store. In this continuation we are going to list the things you can also do while you are in the store.
When you walk into a store, usually the first thing you see is Returns and Customer Service. When it comes to returns, never ever bother bringing a receipt. You have such an honest face that they should return anything you give them, whether it be a rake, t-shirt, puppy, cheese burger, what have you. If they refuse don't be discouraged, just demand to see a manager. While doing this it is important to be loud and flourish your hands and arms. If the manager refuses your return be sure to lie your ass off as to how you spend thousands at their store and how they should cater to your every whim. Because remember in part one "You are the only one that matters." Be sure to tell them that they lost your business, leave the store causing as much of a scene as possible. On a side note when you come back wear a coat and large sunglasses like the matrix, they'll never know its you.
When it comes to special services, be sure to have no clue how to explain your issue when you get up there. Sometimes its just fun to watch those behind the desk try and figure out how to help you. And the moment they seem to have it figured out it is then time for you to get angry and explain to them why you are there. It teaches them how to be clairvoyant. It doesn't matter how wildly inappropriate your behavior is as long as you get what you want.
Now you may see people with children in the store that they keep track of and parent while they shop. But when you bring your children in don't you think it would be abundantly more entertaining to have them run up and down the isles, play hide and seek in and around store displays, rip open candy, climb on either the carts or the shelving? Oh I know I would! Won't the employees be entertained by their superior running and climbing abilities than those other children? Now while the employees are wowed by your children it is very important to seize the opportunity and STEAL SHIT!!! With any luck one of your children will fall and crack their head off the floor so now on top of the hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise you have hidden in your matrix coat, you can now sue the store for all its worth for your lack of parenting skills. Also if they mention anything about your parenting methods be sure to get as offended as humanly possible and fly into and ALL CAPS RAGE!
In some stores you may see mystical machines called "Self Check Outs" You can choose either to: Scoff at the cashier at the rapstand and say "I want a real person to check me out" and walk to a regular line register. Or you can say "These things steal jobs." when in reality they create hundreds of jobs to create the software, hardware, and not to mention the technicians needed for tech support phone centers and field techs to fix the machines. There is still a cashier there regardless. In the space of one register are crammed four smaller registers. These machines take no one's job from them. Or you can opt to bring hundreds of little items through self-check out and have the cashier ring everything out for you while the other customers at the other machines get stuck in the process the cashier is way to busy ringing out each and every item for you. Or you can also by pass every busy self-check machine and expect the cashier to ring you out at their computer. Don't worry if they try to explain to you that their computer is not a register, just stand there with a blank not to bright look on your face.
(This is for Kim W.)
Now when you're out in the parking lot be sure to leave your cart in the most inconvenient place as possible. This is going to a great source of entertainment for the store's lot associate. Think of as planking, but for shopping carts. You can even roll them over upside down in the middle of a really good parking space so it can be fun for other customers as well.
And that concludes this deluxe edition. We hope you have enjoyed these helpful hints.
By Heather
Welcome to the 2012 edition of The Atypical Customers Guide. First we shall cover step one: Entering a Store. It is always good to enter a store with your mind a complete blank because lets face it, thinking is WAY to overrated. Now that you are at least fifty yards into the store you've probably realized that you need a cart. You've walked such a long way from the entrance, it would be to distracting from your quest to go back to the beginning yourself to get one. Solution: Ask an employee, preferably one that's busy doing something else because they'd love the break to go get you your cart. Assisting your each and every need is what they live for. After they bring you your cart be sure not to thank them, its their job, its what they're paid for.
Now that you've successfully entered the store without thinking. It is now time to find what you need. What's that? You don't know where you are? Well don't worry, if this is the case you've done step one thoroughly by not thinking at all! Great Job. Now congratulate yourself by finding the same, or another employee to tell you were to find what you came for. But be sure they are busy doing something else, even if that means interrupting another customer because remember: You are the only person that matters in this store. No one is more important than you. You could ask them where it is and for detailed directions but why do that when they can just take you there. After they've taken you to almost anywhere you need to go its time for the third step.
Loading your cart. This means randomly tossing your merchandise into your cart. Arranging your merchandise would be in complete violation of step one and is there for forbidden. After doing this, be sure to stack your large, heavy, and awkward items on the top of the cart. You may notice that there are carts specially made for these large, heavy, and awkward items, but that would mean either pulling both carts or transferring all of your merchandise to the larger cart. Solution: Stacking it all on top.
The fourth and final step is to check out all your merchandise. Don't worry about your cart being a mess it will be like digging for treasure for the cashier. Don't worry about helping her either, this is what she's paid for. So remember, no matter how she struggles or the slightly pissed off look on her face, inwardly she's praises you for giving her something to do with her time apart from endlessly standing in the isle waiting just for you. Meanwhile, be sure to point out everything she is doing that you don't approve of, she'll appreciate the advice on how to continue doing her job better. Now that she has rung out all of your merchandise it is time to select your form of payment. If you have performed all of these steps right you will have left your wallet in car. Tell the cashier to hold your sale while you go out and get it. It doesn't matter how many people are in line waiting for you to go retrieve your wallet from your car or how long it takes because remember: You are the only one that matters. Now that you have gotten your wallet and have slid your card be sure to use your finger to push the options on the screen. Now if the options do not respond to your finger tips continue stabbing the screen with your index finger till it hurts. Once you've done this you can then use the stylus and stab the screen as hard as you can because it did not bend to your will when using your finger. Show that pinpad who's boss and strike fear into it. Don't worry about the cashier, she's more than likely happy that you're using your neanderthal like strength to strike fear into the machine and beating it into submission. After you have completed this you can then exit the store and that my friend is how to shop in a store.
You have now finished The Atypical Customers Guide. We all hope that this has been educational. Be sure to use these steps no matter what store you shop at.
By Heather
First off I would like to say that this is horse shit. How can this place (my place of employment) say that in order for you to be full time you have to have 100% open availability and then not pay you nearly enough to support yourself let alone anyone else in your household? Because 40% of households now a days one or both spouses need two jobs to cover their expenses. Luckily this is not my case but still. My job you have to be available from 5am to 12pm. So you work full time here and you will have no time to see your family let alone have a life outside of work and that should be enough for you. Live this job, bleed this job. I'm sorry, I'm not bleeding for this company, it doesn't pay me enough.
Second, if your going to have 100% open availability like this, its better to have set hours, based on seniority of course because then people would know what they work all the time and can plan their life around it instead of this bullshit. Do we get this? NO, we do not! Instead every week I walk into 12-9pm, 5am-2pm, 10-7pm, 5-2pm, 9-6pm, piece of shit schedule. And after months of this they expect everyone to just go with it, I'm sorry, this job is not worth it to me. If I was paid for the amount of work and effort that I do actually put into this job I wouldn't be complaining, but I'm not. Because this multi-million dollar corporation somehow can't afford to pay me that much. And you wonder why turnover is so bad. How the hell have so many people stayed in this company for so many years beets the shit out of me.
These same bastards have the balls to talk about recesion? Here's a clue, pay your workers more, pay them what they deserve, because then in return they will spend money, which in turn will pick the economy up. Not the only solution and not one that will fix everything but it is a solution or at least an idea. I'm not the best political mind out there but at least I know this much. You have to spend money to make money, that's always been true. So spend money on something you know will turn a profit, your workers. Specially the ones tht have proven time and time again that they work hard all day, every day.
...I ranted and I still don't feel any better.
Oh and to the asshole that broke into our bank account and stole every penny we had before Christmas "F*** you!!!"
To the bank that took close to three weeks to put that money back into our account, lying to us saying it would be processed the day we filled out the paperwork that was sent to us in the mail "F*** you too!!!"
By Heather
I know I have not made any recent posts and I'm sorry. I've currently been under a lot of stress for things unrelated to work. But I promise this post will make up for the time lost because I have a multiple amount of topics to talk about.
Alright, for starters my work has implemented this new scheduling system called FAST. Basically it schedules people more efficiently around where we seem to have the most sales. It also screws the part timers out of their hours half the time. I'm full time but it still bothers me that friends of mine, good hard working people are having to look for work and or second jobs elsewhere. But I digress. This also schedules me hours as a normal cashier, of which I don't mind. But it always schedules me on self check out which is the most boring job ever. I stand there in the same fricken spot for eight hours with little to no interaction with people. I hate coming to work and not really doing anything. On top of this, it is as you know, the Christmas season. So of course they are playing Christmas music. Let me ask you a question. How many versions of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer does one have to sing for them to realize, there is no other way to sing this damn song. Today, I counted twenty-seven different versions.
To you the person putting together the play list for my and so many other retail stores please very it up a bit. I know its slim pickens when it comes to framing a playlist around the holiday season but please put more songs in between each version of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I think I'm developing a tumor.
This endless spiral of corny Christmas songs is beginning to drive me mad which is not good. It makes my numerous ticks about customers that much more obvious. I have three out of four self-checkout machines open, the other is out of order. What do people do, out of all the machines that are open and unused, they walk up to the one that is out of order, try desperately to scan their items before looking at me saying "It's broken!" No shit Sherlok, it says it there right on the flippin screen.
"Since you are not doing anything go around getting my numerous shopping list." No, I have to stand here because people are jerks and will run out without paying. Don't get me wrong, I will help all the people I can on self-check out but I can't leave. Or this one, all of my machines are in use and you have the one butt puppet that comes up to you with a cart full of stuff and wants you to ring them out. Try as you will to explain to them that you have no open register and that your little computer stand is not a register, it can't make it through the layers of stupid for them to understand it.
Tonight I was doing the closing paperwork and of course there is a register open down the line and self check is also open. And still, people come up to me, lean over my CLOSED gate and ask. "Are you open?" I try to hide look on my face that screams "ARE YOU FRICKEN RETARDED?" My light is off, my gate is closed, what about this looks like I am open?
I am trying to ring this woman out and she gets all the way to the tender screen and the entire time she is screaming on her cell phone. I am trying to politely tell her what to do as she goes from screen to screen and she looks at me as if to say "How dare you interrupt me!" when you are obviously having trouble getting from screen to screen because you're to busy screaming on your phone to read what the screen that is telling you to do.
PARENT YOUR FRICKEN CHILDREN PEOPLE! For the love of God and all that his holy, please just say "no" or "don't touch that" or "don't do that you will hurt yourself." I have had it with parents letting their snot nosed kids get away with murder. Seriously, what would your mom or dad do if they were going through the checkout line and you were ripping open half the candy, taking a bite and putting it back? I'd of been spanked and grounded for two weeks till I did enough chores to pay them back for all the candy they had to buy.
And here comes the twenty-seven versions of Rudolph the red nosed Reindeer! I can literally feel my brains leaking out my ears. You want to test someones mental capacity for solitude, you put them on self-check for an entire eight hour shift and watch them slip slowly into madness.
Rudolph is not the only song they play to death. They also have 16 different versions of Santa Baby playing. Including one Sung by a man that has a completely different connotation than when it is sung by a woman. The one sung by a man sounds like a creepy stalker.
Seriously person that does the playlist, please put more then 3 or 4 songs between the many versions of Rudolph. What kind of sick bastard are you? This is the reason people bring shotguns to work!
I am at your mercy here, I like the older stuff that you've been playing but change it up a bit. I'm sure people can tolerate a little more Tran Siberian Orchestra in their day. I know I'd love it if you put some Carol of the Bells in, its my favorite Christmas song.
The worst part is, its only Dec. 3rd, I still have 22 days left of this playlist to endure. All of you reading this, please wish me luck.
By Heather
I'm front end management, which means basically my department is the entire front of the store. My job consists of making sure all areas are covered efficiently and that lunches and breaks all have coverage. This is hard to do when on most days you have no people mid-shifting. Unfortunately this also means that when a customer has an issue (usually a dumb one and they only want to make a stink about something to get a discount) so I'll go down to take care of the issue...which is they tell me their complaint and I have to decide whether I care or not. In all actuality I don't mind my job, most days I kind of like it...kind of. I work with a good group of people, we all get along and work well together which always makes the day go easier, quicker. But for some reason not only people from my department, but also other departments in the store come to me and complain to me about their job. Yes, I complain, but I do it on a blog that no one reads. The fact is, its retail, you applied for the job what did you expect it to be? I knew exactly what I was getting into when I applied for the job. Every single day they bitch and complain about their job and how this is a huge waste of time. And I've recently lost my ability to be compassionate and sit in listen, I have no time for it because I'm running a department with virtually no people in it anymore. So this is my answer to those who do this.
It is retail, what did you think you were signing up for. Its a job and considering the state of the country right now, just be happy you have one. Its like signing up for the Marines and then complaining that when you took the responsibility you didn't understand you had to go through rigorous training and possibly kill people. It is what it is so make the best of it. Don't think of all the things you hate about your job all the time and just do it. Come to work, do your job and go home. I don't bring work home with me. Right now I'm writing this blog at work at 6:50am in the morning, wasting the company's dime. Not that that's anything they don't do on the daily basis anyway. If they really minded blogger so much they would have blocked the site like they blocked facebook, but hey, that's what smartphones are for.
By Heather
This is how I started out.
See? See? Look How happy I am. I woke up like this, like I do every morning...mostly. Now even though I'm working a split shift today I was relatively happy. Until...I saw the front end schedule...three hour gap in lumbar, three hour gap in garden.
Its okay...my day can still be salvaged. I worked the schedule so I had coverage in lumber and in garden and laid down the foundation for my mid shifter to pull coverage from the back if needed. So then ten o'clock rolls around so I'm out for a couple of hours. So I thought "Hey! I'm gonna be little miss productive today and finally get this mess with our mail figured out." and then life said "NOPE!" It took me a half hour to find the post office and it turned out to be the wrong one.
It was now that I was beginning to doubt that today was going to be salvaged. The man at the post off gave me the address and directions on how to get to the right one. So I was comfident that I salvaged my day.
So yeah, go me. I was little miss productive. But still life said "NOPE!" and as soon as I got there, an hour later because I got lost, severly lost because they like to hide the Greentree post office. As soon as I got there they were incredibly unwilling to understand or help. She finally gave me a number to call and when I called he said the system didn't come up until noon and to call back then.
At this point I was pissed because of the bums the state hires that don't do their job and makes good honest people go through hell just to get their mail. I haven't gotten any mail in a month.
After calling back at noon and recieving no answer several times I finally recieved comformation that my mail should be fixed but I have to wait another 14 business days to recieve my mail. I have now realized that my day will not be salvaged because I spent three hours doing someone elses job. Something that should have been fixed through on change of address form.
And I still have to go back to close the store at 5:30 to 10:30 tonight...
By Heather
Number One:
Making your bad credit my fault.
Alright, let me make this very clear. I'm not so much of a jerk that I personally am denying your card. There are two reasons why your card is denied. One, you are late on your payment. Two, you are maxed out. That's it, there is no magical button that I push to ruin your day. Also, I have no idea why your credit card is denied. The register tells me nothing, just that it is denied so before you make an idiot of yourself screaming at me for something that is your fault for not keeping track of, think of what you're doing. Please stop making an ass of yourself in front of a line of customers just wanting to ring out their stuff.
Number Two:
Assuming I'm Stupid Because I Work Retail.
Retail is not hard. Once you know the routine its pretty simple. Even an incredibly busy day with incredibly thin coverage is easy to figure out simply because you do what you have to to keep the store running and no matter what there is always a way to do that. Even if you have to pick up other department's slack which is most often the case when you yourself are spread wafer thin. That being said not everyone has the patients to take utter and complete bullshit that customers throw at you on the daily basis.
I had this one customer come in two hours before close and spend an hour in Millwork getting a shit ton of moulding. Now he was one of those people from the ritzy part of town with his son, guy didn't even get the lumber cart himself. He had the Millwork associates do everything for him which is fine, its what they are there for. This should have been put on a special order but it wasn't. So by the time he got up to my register I had to measure and type in each individual piece which is company policy and it took at least twenty minutes to get it all in there. So when I gave the man his total his eyes widened and said that didn't match up with what he had worked out. So I went through the entire order adding it all up. Millwork had accidentally given him 80 feet more than what he needed. I told this man this and he said that it was all there exactly what he needed. He accused me of over charging him which was impossible because he saw me measure all of it, plug it in the register and put it on the opposite side of the cart that way I didn't do anything twice. He argued with me for a while, I told him that even if I was doing what he suggested it would be pointless because I wouldn't even be getting the access cash, the store would and I don't love the store that much. So finally I was about to call Millwork to get it sorted when he looked at his son, pointed at me and said "See this? This is why you need to go to college!" I froze, put the phone down and looked at him. I had had it. "Excuse me sir...I have a college degree." I cleared out the entire order and pointed outside. "You can leave now." He threatened to go to the manager, I told him that I would call her right over but at that point he had had it and left.
I don't care who you are, you don't treat people like that.
Number Three:
Call Offs
Not just call offs, employees that call off over and over again. I had a cashier that called off almost every Saturday. He's running out of family members to either kill off or have medical problems. Other than that I have cashiers walking out for their fifteen minute break and not coming back. Come on people, be responsible adults and come to work, do your job, and go home. Its not that hard. If you can't do that then there are hundreds of others out there that can.
By Heather
#1 Impatient Customers
This is actually something I love/hate. I love it when customers make angry sounds. As if some how making these sounds is going to make me give a shit about you more than the person I'm currently waiting on. Or a customer that somehow wedges his merchandise ahead of some old woman's singular item and I some how won't notice. I'm sorry, I don't reward rude people. Especially when this sweet woman is just trying to by her birdseed for the week.
#2 Customers Ignoring Me
I hate it when a customer blatantly ignores me while I'm simply trying to ring them out. "Hello sir, did you find everything you needed?" .....nothing...."Alright your total is $58.34, will this be on debit or credit?" ....nothing...."Thank you sir, you have a good day." ...nothing...
Another example, and I hate this. Do Not, under any circumstances do this. If you're one of those customers that gets on the phone and talks to your friends your entire visit to the store this is for you. By the time you get to the checkout line do not look at the cashier, snap your fingers and point to your cart, expecting us to sort through your shit to ring it all up and then once I've rung it all up you get all pissed off at me when I tell you what to do with the pinpad because you're to much of a retard to read it.
Another example. When you ask me where something is in the store, please I ask you, stick around to hear the answer. Trust me, I know exactly where it is. When you ask me and then keep walking, don't complain to me when you can't find it. Cause why? Your a fricken idiot who can't stand around for one minute for me to give you exact, easy to follow directions.
#3 Cart Preparation
Customers that load their cart like a retard. (I do not mean retard as in my mentally handicapped cousin, because he has more smarts than to do this) This is pretty much self explanatory but I will give an example. If you know you're going to be getting something very heavy/awkward, get the appropriate cart for it or even if you don't, load your cart accordingly. I've had a customer load their cart full of the smallest pieces of hardware they could find, then on top of that a shit ton of shelving, mouldings, and five pieces of plywood. On top of that, the asshole didn't even help me get everything down. Looked at me as if somehow I had the problem. Quickest way to ruin my day when you make your stupidity my issue.
#4 Co-workers
Store associates that make your job harder because of the own incompetence.
Prime example right here, this just happened this weekend. I'm not going to use actual names so I'm going to use the name George. Saturday night George comes up to me and tells that they may be late to work the next day because they are picking up a family member at the hospital. Its fine, family takes priority over work. I asked George if he was sure he was going to be able to come in at all on Sunday because if there was a doubt it would be easier for me to call someone in to fill their shift now instead of later. After many times George assured me that he was going to be at work because he was closing. I said it was fine, just to call and keep me updated as to when he would be in. The next day comes along, not only does George not call, I try calling him four times finally get a hold of him, he tells me he just got his son home from the hospital, he was going out to get prescriptions, shower and he said he'd be in at four. I asked again, are you sure you don't want to call off? Are you sure you'll be here by four because that's what I'm going to write down. He assured me he was going to be there at four. So I put his time down. 3:50pm rolls around, George calls and says he can't come in. Ten minutes before his fricken shift starts the asshole calls off. So now the closing head cashier is screwed because George did not have the foresight to call even an hour ahead to warn me. Thank you George for being a useless bagpipe.
#5 Sweaty Pocket/Boob Money
Yes, you heard me correctly. I hate it when a guy pulls a clump of money out of his back pocket and plops it in my hand. Yes sir, of course I want your swass in my hand. I watched this one couple for two hours run around building materials gathering their stuff. When they came up their order came up over four hundred dollars. This busty woman pulls a wad of sweaty money out from under her boob and shoves it in my hand. I shit you not I could have squeezed this money and sweat would have poured out of it. And all I can think of other than the "Oh my God she really just did that" was "Thank you...thank you lady, because I've always wanted hepatitis." I couldn't even hide the look of disgust on my face. After they left I couldn't Lysol my hands enough. I didn't have hand sanitizer, I grabbed the closed thing I could and just had my good friend/co-worker spray my hands down.
By Heather
I know that from my first post I gave the impression that retail, no matter what, is always a steaming pile of crap. But on the contrary my friends, there is, for however brief it may be, a good day. I came into work today with the same sunny disposition that I normally have and every customer I had was incredibly fantastic, happy, and I was able to joke with them. It was all around a good day. And to top it off I caught a guy trying to steal over a thousand dollars worth of merchandise. (those of you doubting the dollar amount keep in mind I work at a large hardware superstore, its not a difficult feet to accomplish.) So that always makes me happy catching stupid people doing stupid things.
But on the lighter side today rocked even though I closed the store today and have to be there tomorrow for morning at 5am. These days are rare so those of you in retail, respect them, and love them. Because you know the very next day your gonna get the very same lady arguing for you to give her ten percent off not because the product is damaged or she has a coupon, nope, she just wants it for the hell of it.
By Heather
Alright, first post!
As I said in the blog description I've started this blog to get out my frustrations about working retail and the idiots that shop at the store. And to this people would answer, "Then do something else beside bitch and complain about your life." Aw touche my friend, getting a job anywhere but retail is hard. I have been and am still trying to get out of this endless rage spiral.
But onto the jubilation. Today, as this happens many days, is one the biggest ticks I have about people that come into the store. When I am finished ringing out their merchandise and tell them their total they walk over to the pinpad (where you swipe your card) and as usual like 95% of customers don't read the screen I go into my usual speech. I'll demonstrate.
Me: "Swipe your card and hit yes to verify your total"
Customer: ...
From here on out the customer stares at the pinpad as if willing it to tell him the meaning of the universe. Their pupils dilate as a steady stream of drool flows down their chin and I'm sure they at some point get a lazy eye and a tumor growing from the side of their head before they look up.
Customer: What do I do?
At this point I have five people in line waiting for your ass to stop being retarded. But I keep my composure because I have to, or else I would be taking your card and doing it for you because I'm so exasperated to do even the slightest task. What I have just told you to do is exactly what it asks of you on the pinpad screen.
Me: "Press the yes button sir."
The customer does it with as much force as he can with either his finger or the pen.
Me: "Is this on your debit or credit?"
His eyes yet again focus on the screen as if the longer he stares at it it will answer every question he has ever had in his life. I can actually hear your thoughts. "What is this alien piece of technology, how does it work, what does it mean. I want to know, tell me magical box! I must know!" And just before I implode he looks up at me for that magical answer.
Me: "...debit or credit."
Customer: Oh...I don't...remember my pin.
Me: That's okay, just hit the cancel button, it will take you to credit.
Customer: But I want to buy my stuff, I don't want to cancel.
Me: It won't cancel out the sale, it will just take you to the credit screen.
Customer: ....
Me: ....
Customer stares at me blankly.
I can hear the teapot whistling inside my brain.
Customer: ...I don't understand...
I finally take it upon myself to push the cancel button for them and enjoy the 2.5 seconds of watching the customer freak out as their receipt prints out and I had it to them.
Me: Have a good day sir.
Customer confused but satisfied leaves but comes back about a half hour later because he ended up forgetting half his merchandise in another bag at my counter. I hate having to spoon feed grown adults.
This happened about seven times today. Now people that have ever worked retail for any period of time know that it is completely different working it that just being a normal consumer. I hope this has been education to those of you who haven't.
